Monday, August 19, 2013

more journys in faith and health and healing

My goodness.  I feel like we are living this summer in hyper mode.  We were blessed by my grandma with some spending money, to use to DO fun things!!  A family of 7 can have a lot of fun at home, and we do, but it's nice to have some funds to go and do things, like other families do.

We have deliberately done many many fun activities as we could do none last summer.  I find that Luke's cancer has taught me so much.  I am learning that it IS a life changing experience to have a child with a life threatening illness.  It makes us want to truly enjoy each moment, each day to the fullest.  Even the days, like most days, where we are home, just us.  I am trying to offer the kids some chances to experience things and to see the blessings.  The local fair, cancer camp, fishing, friends and pools, play structures, library programs, vacation Bible camp and more.  I am so proud of them and their exuberance for life, for fun, for counting each blessing, and living each moment.  Kids really truly know how to enjoy life, in the moment...not crying over the past, not worrying about the future.  This is for mama.

I've seen their faces shine and eyes light up, hair blowing in the wind...jumping in and out of the kiddie pool, dancing in the sand, picking fresh carrots from the garden, running through our corn, simple pleasures, that cancer has shown us, are not always so simple.  Last summer, Luke was really really sick.  I am hoping and praying that he continues on, for the next 18 months until treatment ends, in good health. just never know.  I believe he will conquer his Leukemia, the back of my mind, I dread. 

Our faith has remained fierce, though our church journey has been kind of bumpy.  We could not attend church for nearly a year, while Luke was on intense treatment.  For a family ENTIRELY grounded in our faith and hope in Christ, this was shattering.  We tried to go, but Luke was so unwell, we took turns, but slowly we found ourselves..not there.  We then came to our lovely, local church.  This was also a new experience, during PTSD.  Our children, our lives our faith, continue on, and journey on.....seeking God, his people, and a tight faith community is what the family is searching for.  Are we not all seeking comfort and peace?  Are we not in need of others, and for our story to be told, heard?  What makes the world connect, but connectedness.  We pray, and we search, and Jesus will let our minds and hearts rest easy in HIM.  I know this.  Luke is full of the spirit.  He sings, he prays, he has a deep love for God.  I feel blessed that he is assured in his faith. 

I see so many relationships we've had, falling away...I can't mourn forever over this.  I can ask for forgiveness, I can forgive.  I know life has strange ways of working things out.  I wait for patience and I wait for healing.  Healing of my boy, my family, my heart.  I think we keep quiet, yet want everyone to know about Luke.  How can we not want the world to know.  To help other kids like him.  To continue to pray for him.  To raise awareness.  To keep HOPEful.  I can't believe we are coming up to the two year mark.  Yet, I think of cancer all day still, each day.  Maybe because we are still in treatment, giving daily chemo, always checking for evidence of ..the worst.  I keep traveling, moving forward, leaving behind the baggage we don't' need, keeping my eyes focused on what matters.  We are thankful.  We are blessed.  We are forever changed.